Awakened by Infinite Sons

Saturday, Jan 12, 2013

6:20am

My sons woke me up this morning.

A short while ago, I was dreaming that I was asleep and in the dream of that sleep, there was a knock at my bedroom door. Annoyed, I roused myself into recriminating wakefulness and got up to open it. It was my son Eric. In real life, he's nearly twenty years old but in my dream, he was a three or four year-old boy. “I remember,” he said in his little three or four-year old voice, which had the hint of a lisp, “that I used to sometimes come sleep with you when I woke up scared, and it's been awhile so I thought I should come do it again.” It was puzzling to me that this little boy spoke as if he wasn't scared at all and that he seemed to be recounting this from as many years ago as it now really is. It gave the whole thing the surreal quality of the infinite. I said, “Sure, monkey. It's always okay for you to do that.” I picked him up and, holding his tiny body next to mine, started to bring him into bed – and that was when I woke up in real life.

I lay there for a few minutes, remembering the days when, not long after his mom and I split up and he was about that same age, he used to sometimes wake up crying in the middle of the night. Even after he was well awake, he could sometimes not be comforted for at least ten or fifteen minutes. It was as if he refused to let go of the dream that terrified him.

Then, still lying in bed, I remembered a picture he drew at around that time. It was a picture of him and me as a child's stick figures, holding hands and walking under a big, round shining sun. Above us he'd drawn a large red and white heart. I still have it. You don't throw something like that away. If I wasn't so computer-illiterate, I'd post it here. I suppose, next time he's here, I'll have him show me again. (Yes, he showed me before how to post pictures to my computer, but, being the aforementioned computer-illiterate, I don't remember the simple steps. I think I have them written down somewhere, but I haven't used my camera in years and the batteries need re-charging anyway.

As it often is when woken from a powerful dream, my immediate thought was to sit down and write about it. My computer was still on from a few hours before (I didn't go to sleep until four) because I did something that left my monitor with the wallpaper still there, but all the icons missing. In that state, there was no shutdown button and I didn't know how to rectify it without shutting the computer down improperly. I knew that isn't good (or can't be anything other than neutral or bad) for it and I was too tired to fuck with it, so I just turned the monitor off and went to bed.

I remembered this when I came back to my desk just now. Pissed off that I might not be able to record this astonishing dream, I turned the monitor back on. I knew that if the compy didn't bounce back after the inevitably necessary improper shutdown, I'd have to call my other (and older) son Steve. Steve's even more of a computer whiz than his younger brother (who's also very computer-savvy) plus, unlike Eric, Steve lives just a few blocks away.

I stared at my monitor's wallpaper – again, the only thing that remained on the screen. It's a picture of the Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, a family favorite of ours. Steve had installed it when (as a surprise when I was away) he revamped my entire PC and loaded it with a new browser and programs, including the Open Office Writer word processing program that I'm using right now. Over the years, Steve has done probably thousands of dollars worth of IT work for me and my dad.

Looking at the one-armed Black Knight (if you don't know what I'm talking about, rent the film; I regard it as the single funniest movie ever made.) I thought of Steve and considered the wonderful gift he had graced me with in the new setup.

Sitting there, I instinctively knew that in all of this, he was as much a part of my waking after less than three hours as was Eric. This entire episode was about my being father to them both.

It was then that it occurred to me, and seeming very much as if it was Steve who was reminding me,“when in doubt, hit Ctrl/Alt/Delete.” I did, and was suddenly a couple of keystrokes away from full restoration of my unit. It may not sound like much because I suppose even a ninety year-old chimp knows that old trick, but you're seeing this right now because of it. I'd like to think that Steve had something to do with it and, on some level, it's evident to me at least, that he did.

Last night (really, in the wee hours of this morning) someone posted to Facebook the picture of a fifteen year old girl who went missing a couple of weeks ago. Though I didn't know her from Eve, I knew that her parents must be in agony right now, not to mention, possibly her. Her name is Samantha and she's sometimes known as “Sammi Jo.” As I said in the post, “Don't know her, but it seems we gotta spread this far and wide. God bless you, Sammi Jo. I'm praying for you.”

I cried this morning when my little boy woke me from the dream I had where he woke me from my dreaming sleep. It was touching and a little sad to remember that he and his brother aren't little boys anymore but I'll see them soon and things will be like they always are.

Sammi Jo's parents don't have that right now and are going through what I don't even want to imagine, much less live. There's nothing more I can do than pray for her and hope that the simple act of sharing her picture on Facebook can contribute to a cloud of activity that'll bring her home. Again, God bless you, Sammi Jo.

Finally, my friend and my former parish priest, Father Addison Hart, posted a remarkable video last night. The video itself is actually less remarkable than cool -- computer-animated psychedelia of the sort we've all probably seen many times before, though above average for its ilk, I'd say. The remarkable part is the music. It's Bjork (formerly the singer with Iceland's band, the Sugarcubes, singing a beautiful version of “The Jesus Prayer.” I don't have reason to think she's a believer, but if not, she's certainly a talented voice actress.

I listened to it repeatedly as I composed this post.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=lEhq3rkbVr8#!